Chords Of Life

The last 6-8 months has been the closest I have been to death in my entire life. I have lost 3 friends in sudden strokes of fate. All were in their early thirties.

More than anything else, it is the finality of death, that makes it difficult to accept – at least for me. Suddenly, this person who you took for granted was around, is just not there anymore – thats it, its over. You can’t have any contact with him/her, you don’t share memories any more – the memories are just yours now.

It has really made me think a lot about life. While one reads a lot about this, and nothing that I am feeling is any different from the ordinary, the rawness of the experience makes it nothing you ever imagined it to be.

The biggest impact is that honestly, I am very scared now. I’m scared of death! Which tells me how attached I have become to life. I’m also scared of the practical impact it might have on my near and dear ones, as I have seen the impact of my friends’ deaths on their loved ones.

But there are lessons learnt as well:

1. Have to get the practicalities organised. One cannot postpone these any more. Anything can happen anytime. Insurance (I have started believing in it a lot more than I used to), legalities, nominations, organising papers, contacts, files…The least one can do is save those you leave behind avoidable hassles.

2. The need for spiritual awakening, or at least awareness. My fear of death is not because I don’t know what will happen after death, but for what I will lose out on. And yet, sooner or later, we all have to let go. And this can be addressed only through knowledge, light, awareness about the meaning and purpose of life. Death is perhaps once of the most important (and the most certain) event of our lives that we hardly prepare for – compared to say education, parenthood, professional achievement etc.

3 . A common and immediate reaction to such losses is a sudden feeling of futility and meaninglessness of all things that “we, the living” do, even guilt. Yet it is also important to not lose the importance of living. Yes, death is certain, and one must prepare to embrace it (our own as well as that of others), but life, and enjoying life is equally important. When alive, it is our dharma to do what must be done as living beings, and that includes enjoying life. Death is an important zoom-out button, that helps keep things in perspective. It is not a virus that should infect the normal functioning of life.

Its tempting to wish death away. I do wish there was a way I could have my friends come back to life. There isn’t.

But I definitely realise I need to be a bit better prepared for it. I’m off for a health-check in the meantime….